For Whom Are You Doing Things?

If you color your hair, take special care in shaving, get waxed, get a manicure or pedicure, buy special clothes, wear cologne, go to the gym, go running and so on, are you doing those things because they please you, or are you doing those things because they please someone else — or because they might attract someone else?

It’s a question well worth pondering.

When I was married, I started waxing my bikini area because my husband really wanted me to. After I had been single again for at least a year, I realized I was still going to the aesthetician with a bit of a resentful attitude. I still felt as if someone was making me get waxed. 

Clearly, no one was forcing me. So I had a little chat with myself. It went something like this:

If you don’t want to get waxed anymore, you don’t have to. But if you are going to keep getting waxed, then decide to do it because you want to.

When I stopped and thought about it, I realized that I liked the way waxing reduced the amount of hair that grew back. And I liked the fact that whatever hair did grow back came in finer and softer. Plus, waxing was far less irritating to my skin than shaving. 

So I decided to keep on waxing ... for me. 

Now, when I go to the aesthetician, I appreciate her more. I enjoy the experience more. It hurts a lot less. And the benefits that I focused upon have multiplied: Less and less hair grows back, it grows back softer than ever before, and I experience less and less skin irritation.

In short, there’s nothing wrong with caring about your appearance. Generally speaking, I’d say it’s a good thing!

But if you’re doing things to attract a potential partner or because somebody else wants you to or even because you feel as if society says you have to, then those actions will carry a different kind of energy. They won’t feel as joyful and nurturing and self-loving as they would if you were doing the very same things to please yourself. 

So, it’s worthwhile to check in every now and then and ask yourself: For whom am I doing X or Y or Z?