Feeling-Goals

As New Year's Eve fast approaches, many of my friends, colleagues and clients are working on their goals for 2012. Personally, I find goal-setting to be a tricky endeavor.

A lot of Law of Attraction, self-help and mainstream business experts recommend creating very specific goals for yourself, then transforming them into affirmations that are written as if your goal has already been achieved. For instance, "I have a successful coaching business that has netted me $1 million in 2012."

I've never felt comfortable with this type of goal-setting. Perhaps it's because these statements bring up an almost primal fear: a fear that I will be deeply disappointed -- even humiliated and ashamed -- if I get close to my self-imposed deadline and the affirmation doesn't look as if it can possibly come true. I have heard of people achieving these kinds of goals at the last possible second, but, personally, I have to expend a lot of energy to remain upbeat and optimistic while affirming these sorts of statements.

On the other hand, I've discovered a different kind of goal-setting that feels really good to me. Rather than creating goals that focus on what I want to achieve, I create goals that focus on how I want to be.

For instance, I want to be -- i.e., I want to feel -- kind, generous, relaxed, free, joyful and playful. These are the kinds of feelings I equate with having financial abundance. In fact, they're the very reason I want to have plenty of money.

While it feels icky to me to focus on the specifics of how much financial abundance I want to attract and how that money will come (e.g., $1 million via a coaching business), it feels really good to think about what I will do when I am being the way I want to be. For example, it feels wonderful when I envision myself treating friends to an amazing multi-course meal paired with fabulous wines at an acclaimed restaurant, or taking a loved one on a fantastic first-class vacation, or living in a wonderful, uplifting home that feels like a personal sanctuary.

In my experience, identifying how I want to feel is an uplifting, energizing, joyful way to go about setting goals and intentions for the New Year. Once I've identified those feelings, then I can relax and let the Universe sort out the details of how my goals will be achieved. After all, I know the Universe has my best interests at heart, and I know that it will provide plenty of inspiration -- amazing ideas that will feel great and that I will want to act upon -- to help me achieve the wonderful feeling states I desire.

In other words, I don't have to figure out all the "To Do's" to get to my desired being states. I don't have to make a list and chunk it down into ever smaller steps. I don't have to figure out the "cursed hows," as Mike Dooley calls them.

I just have to relax and, as much as possible, feel the way I want to feel. Then the Universe will deliver more circumstances and events that match those feeling states, and I will enjoying taking inspired action all along the way.

Can-Do New Year’s Resolutions

A friend of mine posted something truly thought-provoking on Facebook today. She wrote: 

This year I’m making New Year’s resolutions I know I can keep:

• Gain 10 pounds
• Watch more TV 
• Spend less time with the kids
• Get further into debt 

If for some weird reason I can't keep them, at least I won’t feel like a loser when I fail. It’s pretty much a win-win situation.

When I read this post, I laughed, and then it got me thinking. 

Typically, people set unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions—resolutions that are more like punishments, really. They look at themselves, focus on what they don’t want, and then make a resolution that, essentially, pushes really hard against that Don’t Want.

And then they wonder why they don’t stick with that resolution. Or why they wind up doing just the opposite—like gaining 10 pounds instead of losing 10 pounds, or going further into debt instead of paying off their credit cards.

Why do you suppose that is?

Well, if you’ve heard much about the Law of Attraction, then you know that you get what you think about. And if you’re busy thinking about being overweight or in debt, you will—by law—get more of that.

So rather than try and change the things we don’t like about ourselves this year, why don’t we try a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? Let’s take a cue from my Facebook friend and choose resolutions that feel easy to keep.

In fact, why don’t we focus on one or two (or five or 10) things we really like about ourselves, and choose to be or do more of that in the New Year?

For instance, I like the fact that I’m a kind person. So one of my New Year’s resolutions is: Be kind.

I like the fact that I’m happy and upbeat most of the time. So I choose, in 2011, to: Be happy and upbeat.

I like that I’ve been doing work I really enjoy. So, next year, I resolve to: Do work I really enjoy.

Wow. I feel great about my New Year’s resolutions. I feel confident I can keep them, because I really, really want to keep them—and I have complete faith that I’m capable of keeping them. 

Best of all, they truly will make next year even better than 2010.

If you like this idea, try it out and let me know what you choose for your can-do New Year’s resolutions. 

In the meantime, Happy New Year! May this be the beginning of your best year yet.