Feeling-Goals
Thursday, December 29, 2011 at 4:28PM As New Year's Eve fast approaches, many of my friends, colleagues and clients are working on their goals for 2012. Personally, I find goal-setting to be a tricky endeavor.
A lot of Law of Attraction, self-help and mainstream business experts recommend creating very specific goals for yourself, then transforming them into affirmations that are written as if your goal has already been achieved. For instance, "I have a successful coaching business that has netted me $1 million in 2012."
I've never felt comfortable with this type of goal-setting. Perhaps it's because these statements bring up an almost primal fear: a fear that I will be deeply disappointed -- even humiliated and ashamed -- if I get close to my self-imposed deadline and the affirmation doesn't look as if it can possibly come true. I have heard of people achieving these kinds of goals at the last possible second, but, personally, I have to expend a lot of energy to remain upbeat and optimistic while affirming these sorts of statements.
On the other hand, I've discovered a different kind of goal-setting that feels really good to me. Rather than creating goals that focus on what I want to achieve, I create goals that focus on how I want to be.
For instance, I want to be -- i.e., I want to feel -- kind, generous, relaxed, free, joyful and playful. These are the kinds of feelings I equate with having financial abundance. In fact, they're the very reason I want to have plenty of money.
While it feels icky to me to focus on the specifics of how much financial abundance I want to attract and how that money will come (e.g., $1 million via a coaching business), it feels really good to think about what I will do when I am being the way I want to be. For example, it feels wonderful when I envision myself treating friends to an amazing multi-course meal paired with fabulous wines at an acclaimed restaurant, or taking a loved one on a fantastic first-class vacation, or living in a wonderful, uplifting home that feels like a personal sanctuary.
In my experience, identifying how I want to feel is an uplifting, energizing, joyful way to go about setting goals and intentions for the New Year. Once I've identified those feelings, then I can relax and let the Universe sort out the details of how my goals will be achieved. After all, I know the Universe has my best interests at heart, and I know that it will provide plenty of inspiration -- amazing ideas that will feel great and that I will want to act upon -- to help me achieve the wonderful feeling states I desire.
In other words, I don't have to figure out all the "To Do's" to get to my desired being states. I don't have to make a list and chunk it down into ever smaller steps. I don't have to figure out the "cursed hows," as Mike Dooley calls them.
I just have to relax and, as much as possible, feel the way I want to feel. Then the Universe will deliver more circumstances and events that match those feeling states, and I will enjoying taking inspired action all along the way.
Reader Comments (6)
I totally agree......feel the love and inspiration the Universe offers minute by minute. Lists of resolutions only end up under other piles of long lists. Smile inwardly and outwardly to the world around you. It's amazing what happiness your smile can bring to loved ones, friends and strangers. Your beam is stronger than you can possibly imagine. With hugs galore and bushels of love, Mom
Brava! I love how this technique feels. I've been having fun with this style of goal setting for the later part of 2011 and I look forward to more practice in 2012+. I'm currently having fun feeling, "I'm free to live generously". In the past, I would focus on the hows to live generously, which often put my focus on the lack of money, time, love, etc... When I focus on the feeling of how I want to live, I find it feels better and I put up less barriers. It feels better to allow the details of how to be taken care of by the Universe and trust that it will be even better than I imagined...
Aww...love what 'Mom' had to say - and she's right. Many of us lose our lists under other lists - me for one! While I know how this all works, I find it trips me up some times when working on 'me'. Taking the 'how' out of it takes so much of the pressure off, doesn't it...and let's the goal 'feeel' more attainable. Thank you for a great heads up worth doing this 2012. Best to you!
When I focus on the feeling of how i understand this!
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Your point about letting the Universe handle the "how" of the affirmation is so true. My spiritual practice most often takes the form of Witchcraft. I have found over the years that my spell attempts to "micromanage manifestations" invariable leads to trouble; it quickly becomes a game (for some class of entity): someone opening up new holes in the dam as quickly as I can plug them. Or trying to grasp a ball of fluff you find sharing the bathwater with you - the harder you try to pluck it with precision and speed the more easily it will elude. Only by patience and gentle movements, awaft like the water, is the goal obtained.
I agree with you, Sue! I have yet to find value in traditional goal-setting because these types of goals always seem "small" to me, and more frustrating than helpful.
Several years ago, I shared my “goal-setting” concerns with my coach because there seemed to be a lot of people who enjoyed setting goals; however, I was not one of them. As we discussed this, she pointed out that I was a “big-picture thinker,” therefore, goal-setting was most likely not going to be an effective tool for me. She said, “KNOW what you want. Focus on the FEELING of it. GIVE UP THE ‘HOW!’ You don’t have to set goals just because everyone else does. Do what works for YOU!”
I knew my coach was right a few weeks later when someone asked me how I had become so successful in sales. (The person specifically wanted to know how to make more money.) I thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I guess I never really think about the money. I just focus on taking care of my customers to the best of my ability (big picture), while having as much fun as possible (how I want to feel), and the rest just seems to fall into place (happy customers, making a lot of money and having a great time while doing it!)” I had been doing this all along never realizing it! Focusing on the BIG picture of what I wanted and how I wanted to feel, versus developing microscopically-calculated goals and plans for success, which robbed me of inspiration, was what had CREATED my success. What an EMPOWERING realization!
Here's to focusing on the big picture, and giving up the "how!"